I’m sorry for taking so long to update… College has gotten the best of me, haha.
Anyways, an angst scenario for Taemin requested by daydreams92695. <3
You hadn’t seen him in forever. Your relationship boiled down to just texting and small phone calls here and there. He was too busy with SHINee to see you, and you were quoting him exactly. This relationship was just something you had to accept. Being alone all the time, feeling insecure about his feelings towards you, it was the sacrifice you had to make when you agreed to continue the relationship with your currently-an-idol boyfriend.
He was always in another country and promoting over seas now a days. SHINee was in Japan for the past few months, and he was busier than ever. You hardly heard from him. Of course you missed him, but you couldn’t be selfish about it. It was his job, and like you mentioned earlier, it was something you just had to accept. You loved him. Thinking about him made your heart skip a beat; you wanted to see him more than anything.
According to SHINee’s schedule, he was back in Korea just for today. Although he wouldn’t have time for you, you still wanted to go see him. It was going to definitely burden him a bit, but hey… you were his girlfriend right? When was the last time he saw you? He’d love it wouldn’t he? You grabbed your purse and left the house, heading straight for SM Entertainment. Unfortunately, nobody knew you were dating except for his members. Getting into the SM Entertainment building was going to be hard, but you’d call one of the members to get you in.
Your walk didn’t take very long, and when you finally got to SM Entertainment, there were fans surrounding the front. All you could hear were screams and splashes of the SHINee member names from every direction. Screaming and even crying for the five boys who were finally back from Japan.
"Hello! We are shining SHINee!" They greeted happily and it took all your might to stand up on your tippy toes just to see them. Right away you spotted your beloved boyfriend. You tried to call out his name, but it blended in right with all the other crazed fans calling out his name. Just as the body guards started pushing fans away, you raised your hand and called out to him.
“Taemin!" You smile and immediately he looks in your direction, recognizing your voice immediately, or so you thought. He doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, and just looks away. They were entering the building when the guards got to you. They started pushing you back, but you shouted his name again. "Lee Taemin!" He turns around to look at you again. The other members try to look as Taemin shakes his head.
"You know her?" The guard turns to look at Taemin.
“No." He answers fast. "She’s merely a fan." You felt your heart breaking before you bit down on your lower lip. What the hell was this bull shit treatment? Sure he was taller and slimmer, but you were hoping it was only physical changes… you were wrong. As you were being pushed away, you gave one last effort to turn around and stare him straight in the eyes.
“And you’re merely single right?”
Maybe you were being a bit too harsh on him. Could it be that he was ashamed? Why were you even thinking that. This relationship was a secret anyways, but why did he have to pretend like that?
So… were you single now? You threw your stuff on the floor and ran a hand through your hair.
She’s merely a fan. You know he saw you. He was directing that comment right at you. You sat yourself down at the table and placed your face on it. What have you done? No. What has he done? As a girlfriend, shouldn’t it be natural that if a boyfriend ignored you and pretended not to know you, that you’d get upset? Anyone would get upset right?
But he wasn’t just any boyfriend. Taemin was an idol. The relationship you two shared was kept a secret from everyone except the members. So maybe there was no other choice but for him to pretend not to know you… but it’s only natural to get upset at something like that. Just the way he said it to you… it was almost as if he was ashamed.
"What was that about?" Jonghyun reaches over for Taemin’s shoulder.
"I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"Taemin-" Key shakes his head.
"You shouldn’t have said those-" Minho starts. Taemin had enough of it by now.
“What would you have done, huh?!" He shouts angrily at them.
"You pretended not to know her…" Onew stepped in. "You obviously hurt her. You know that… And you’re obviously hurting now too, aren’t you?"
"I didn’t do anything wrong. She should’ve understood in the situation we were in. Damn it." Taemin ruffles his hair before running out of the SM building through the back.
You jump up suddenly when the phone begins to ring.
”______.” He was the last person you wanted to talk to at this moment. You put down the phone after clicking the end call button, only to have him call again. This time, when you didn’t pick up… the doorknob was beginning to jiggle. You run fast to the door and press your back to it.
"You’re not allowed to come in." You say in a loud enough voice for Taemin to hear from outside.
"Can I at least talk with you?"
"I live here too you know…" He began to push against the door as you did your best to hold it shut. Seeing as he was stronger than you, in no time, the door was pushed open by him. Taemin panted heavily, his face red from the icy winds. "Baby.."
“Baby?" You mocked him. "The last thing I remembered, was that you don’t know me. So why are you breaking in? I am not supposed to let strangers in."
"You’re upset because of that? You knew-"
"Save it." You shoved at his chest. "I don’t want to hear any excuses from you."
”_____.” Taemin called your name but you turned around fast and held your hand out to him.
“I don’t know you." Your words pierce him as you see a painful twist suddenly appear on his face.
"Let me explain, please.” He whispers, but it was audible for you to hear. You remain silent and keep your gaze at the floor, just waiting for Taemin to begin explaining himself. What exactly were you looking for in him explaining though? Were you just waiting for an apology? You press a hand on your forehead, still waiting. “Can’t you be more understanding?”
"What?" Your head shot up. You weren’t expecting him to ask you a question.
"Why must you be so upset at something like that?"
"B-Because I’m… I’m your…" You stutter to find the words to say. "I was your girlfriend! I hadn’t seen you in so long, and I just… The way you acted-“
"You acted ashamed of me almost. Is it because you don’t want your fans to know? Or you don’t want your members to tease you?” His fists balled up before he released slowly. “I-I don’t like how you’ve been hiding our relationship for so long. I just wish you’d-“
“Do you hear how selfish you’re sounding?" His piercing voice stops yours mid-sentence. "Don’t think everything is revolved around you. This is not the girl I fell in love with." Taemin mutters coldly before his gaze traveling to yours. "Why are you so insecure?" Why was he turning this against you?
"How am I supposed to interpret what you did?! You tell me, Lee Taemin! You told me I was just a fan in front of everyone! You said you didn’t know me! Are you ashamed that you’re dating a normal person like me?!” You screamed at him. Startled, Taemin jumps back slightly at the loudness of your voice. “It’s not funny. I was really hurt by what you said.”
"Why do you think I said that? Did you think I was playing a joke on you?!" Taemin shouts. You knew it wasn’t like that at all. You shake your head fast. "Then what do you think?! What did we talk about when we-"
"If it’s going to be this painful, I never should’ve said yes to dating an idol!" Once you said it, you regretted it. Your hands flew to your mouth and your vision began to blur. You were selfish. Tears slipped down your face at what you told him… You cried because what he said was just so true. Selfish.
Taemin didn’t say anything as you heard him swallow loudly. He fumbled with his clothes before stuffing his hands in his jacket, reaching for something.
"Is there anything else you want to say? Any other feelings you didn’t share with me?" You couldn’t hear hurt in his voice, you couldn’t hear pain in his voice. You didn’t want to look at his face either. As you began to shake your head, Taemin’s loud voice boomed. "Tell me just how you’ve been feeling!”
"I’m insecure! I’ve been trying to convince myself not to be selfish! A-And that the times you don’t return my phone calls is because you’re busy and not because you’re tired of me or ignoring me! I’m scared you don’t feel the same way I do! I was never like this before because I didn’t want to worry you! I didn’t want to seem like a burden and I didn’t want you to leave me… But today, I just…" You cried, thinking he was going to leave any minute. Why didn’t he storm out of the door when you told him you regretted saying yes to dating him? "I just missed you so much."
"I missed you too. Did it not occur to you I was feeling insecure as well?! Worried that perhaps while I’m gone someone will snatch your heart? Someone will come and just steal you away from me? I’ve felt the same…" He takes out his phone from his pocket and turns it towards you. Your heart stops when you realize it’s a simple picture of you. "Ashamed? No. Seeing your picture everyday, seeing your smiling face… It means so much to me. I’ve missed you a lot… Is that all you have to say now?"
"I-I just love you so much, I miss you so much when you’re gone. I wanted to hear from you everyday. I shouldn’t be selfish, I just-" Everything you kept bottled inside was spilling out and before you knew it, you were pulled into a tight embrace. "I-I…"
"Anything else, ______?" Taemin’s soothing voice comes out as he brushes your hair gently. He puts his phone on the table before approaching you.
"Why are you-"
"I never knew your felt this way." Taemin sighs heavily before cradling your head against his shoulder gently. "Come here." He whispers softly as he loops an arm behind your knees and lifts you up. Taemin carefully walks over to the couch and sits down, allowing you to be sitting on his lap, leaning your head against his chest as you tried to stop crying. "I wish I knew how you felt."
"I mean… I never knew you had all these pent up feelings. You never shared them with me. I just assumed you were okay with everything." Taemin mumbles and begins to stroke your arms gently. "Sh, don’t cry anymore."
"Taemin…" You whisper his name softly.
"What I said today… I thought you’d understand only because I didn’t know you felt so insecure about my feelings towards you. I’m not ashamed of you. Just who would be ashamed of the most beautiful and perfect girl in the world?" He touches your face gently before pressing his lips in a thin line. "I didn’t want my fans attacking you for being with me.. Nor did I want them to find out that way. Not even my manager knows. He definitely wouldn’t approve. This is why I pretended not to know you and called you just a fan." You knew that already. You knew he had no choice but to keep it a secret, but you took so much offense to it anyways.
"I knew that already." You whispered to him quietly. "I knew that’s why you said it, but I thought… I thought perhaps you were ashamed of me, then things just kept escalating in regards to selfishness and insecurity."
"Everyone’s capable of feeling that way. I don’t know why I assumed you were alright with everything. I should’ve paid more attention to you and asked how you were feeling." Taemin says softly. "I’m sorry for hurting you… Please forgive me-"
"No forgive me! Taemin." You pull away from his chest and grab his shirt with your hands. "I was so selfish and insecure that I just… I should’ve known that you pretending not to know me was expected. I just-"
"It’s my fault… Your feelings of insecurity are my fault. The reason you think I’d be ashamed of you, also my fault. You feeling selfish for things I can’t give you as a boyfriend, once again my fault. Holding hands in public, being with your boyfriend all the time, seeing him all the time… They’re not selfish thoughts. Your feelings of selfishness are just normal feelings any girlfriend would have. They’re things a normal relationship would have. I can’t give you that." Taemin says and grabs your hand clutching at his shirt to intertwine your fingers with his. "You deserve better.”
"Taemin, I was being completely not understanding of the circumstances. What I said to you, I shouldn’t have-"
"I love you." Taemin mumbles, breaking you off once more. "I love you so much and I’m sorry if it wasn’t conveyed that way. I missed you so much while I was gone. It killed me to know I was leaving you all alone. And it killed me when I realized what I said had hurt you back there. It’s my fault you felt that I was ashamed of you, that you felt insecure and I-" You lean forward and press your lips against his softly.
He shuts his eyes and kisses you back before you pull away.
"I know… I know you can’t give me what a normal relationship would have… But I love you still. I don’t belong with anyone else but you. I’m sorry for not understanding the hardships of an idol. I don’t regret saying yes to you." Taemin brings both of his hands to caress your face before bringing your lips to his again.
"You’re an understanding girlfriend. For putting up with me for so long and hiding all your true feelings… Don’t do it ever again… Share how you feel with me, otherwise I just won’t know." Taemin kisses you again as you sigh.
"I’m sorry I said you were single."
"You nearly gave me a heart attack… I thought I lost you." He nuzzles his nose against yours as you shut your eyes. "I’m sorry too… I’ll be a better understanding boyfriend from now. I still can’t give you everything you desire.. But if you give me one more chance, I’ll show you how much I love you, I’ll remind you how much I love you so you’ll never feel insecure again." You brush your fingers against his face gently as his eyes fell.
"You know that’s impossible." You mumble to him. "The feeling of insecurity probably comes with dating an idol. I’ll do my best not to feel that way anymore, no guarantees." He smiles slightly and nods. "I’m sorry for overreacting."
"You didn’t. If I knew how much I loved you, you wouldn’t have felt that way. I’m not ashamed to let people know you’re my girlfriend. I was scared of how they would view me, view SHINee… I was afraid to lose fans, but I’d rather lose my fans any day than lose the love of my life…" Taemin brushes your hair before leaning forward and pressing his lips gently on your neck.
"I’ll tell them. We’ll go public with this relationship. I owe you this much… for 4 years I had no idea. We’ll tell them right now." Taemin begins to lift you off his lap before you wrap your arms around his neck.
"You don’t owe me this. If you’re not ready, then I’m not. I’m definitely not ready for paparazzi to be following me everywhere and your fans hating me." His hands loosen around you, and you knew he had just said that to make you feel better. You didn’t want him to do something that he’d regret if he wasn’t ready either.
"Baby, I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of you."
"You’ve proved me wrong more than enough now." He begins to rub your back before wrapping his own arms tightly around your body, pulling you as close as he possibly could. "You’re leaving tomorrow."
"I don’t ever want to lose you. You’re the only one for me. I won’t make the mistake of taking your feelings towards me for granted. I really, truly love you."
"I know, and I love you too." You mumble.
"We won’t see each other for a while again, but I promise to keep texting you and calling you when I can. Don’t get tired of me now." Taemin jokes as you laugh quietly. "We don’t have much time. One day isn’t enough, 24 hours isn’t enough to show you how much I love you. There’s so many things normal couples do, right? What’s the top thing on your list?" He asks before you pull away from him and press your lips lovingly against him. You wanted him to feel just how much you loved him, just how much you cared for him.
“I just want to spend the rest of the day in your arms.”
Thanks for reading! :)